When you think of the term “Mean Girl” what pops into your head?
At first I think of the movie and the pink cover with ol Lindsay but beyond that, when you think about who you might consider to be “mean girls” who do you picture? A particular person? A group of girls?

I suppose my first imagination of the term is the untouchable girls from high school. You know the one’s; popular, perfect body, perfect hair, name brand perfect clothes, so many friends and of course the perfect boyfriend.

Now-a-days in mom land, not much has changed in the image. Let’s see, perfect husband, perfect house, perfect car, perfect parties, perfect wardrobe, the common denominator is this perfection that I am so far from. When I see a possible threat of perfection it makes me want to run and hide when she may be approaching, or at least get my walls up.

Being perfect doesn’t make one mean, per se, but I think it’s what I am assuming these “perfect” people are thinking about me. “Oh, poor her, she’s chubby, or poor, or emotional” whatever my current greatest insecurity is, we can all fill in that blank easily.

Being a mean girl in my mind has a lot to do with what I presume they are thinking. But here is my question to us. Even though we can easily pin point who we would classify as a “mean girl” have you ever thought of yourself that way?

I grew up pretty dorky, never had the best of clothes, had braces and glasses and never ever was asked to Homecoming, no I wasn’t a mean girl because I wasn’t classified as the “perfect girl”, or was I?

I know at this point we could easily go down the path that the underdog girls can be just as mean by becoming bitter and “chip on their shoulder” types, but that isn’t where I am going with this today.

I mean it in the most simple of ways. Most of us prejudge people until we know them. We think we know “their type”. Even when we don’t want to be judgmental it is just etched into our nature.

We mostly judge other women harshest whom we may feel threatened by. Many times this leads to the ol’ self fulfilling prophecy. The one where we already know what “those women” are like. “I’m not like them, I know they are going to be stuck up and not welcome me.” Oh how many times I have even very subconsciously thought this.

If not that exact thought it would be something like “Oh, they already have all their friends. I am sure they will make it clear that I am not welcome with them.” And instead of coming into a situation or a room with an open heart to what new friends we might make, what great connections or networking people we might encounter, we are already shut down. We have already made the choice that we “know” we will be rejected so we come in with closed body language, don’t try to engage these people who “won’t like us anyway” and walk away feeling ever so satisfied that we were right all along. It’s like we never stop to think about how we acted, how our body language spoke in that room, that we might have had the err of
“No, no access here, closed” and so people back off.

And when this prevails over time, when we are constantly thinking negatively towards other people, you can count on this negativity turning towards ourselves.

Do you think a lot about what so and so thinks of you? Do you imagine why they were cold to you? “Oh it must have been when I said that passing remark about her husband, I didn’t mean a THING by it, but I bet she took it the wrong way and now she hates me and is going to keep me passively aggressively at bay because she has been wronged by me.” The slippery slope of of our own thinking.

This has been the ever loving long story of my life, friends. Instead of stopping those thoughts in their tracks and deciding that you didn’t mean ill toward her and you know it in your heart and then choosing to let it go, you let is fester and simmer. We end up with one of two responses, maybe and most likely a mixture of both, as we are way too good at over thinking, or is that just me??

The route of “well who does she think SHE is, or where does SHE get off thinking that about ME!” (you know, the thought you think she might have thought but you really don’t know for sure, yeah that one) Pretty soon we are having full blown defenses over something someone might have said or thought about us.

Or you want to be godly and kind of guilt yourself, “well, you are kind of mean sometimes, I bet people hate you because you are meaner than you think you are.” or “well you ARE chubby, I mean that is TRUE, they really do have a reason to not want to be around you, you make their group look bad. Those instagram pics won’t look as glamorous with you in them.” or the “I bet they are thinking right now “oh sure you are sooooo goldly but talking crap about my husband, you are such a bad Christian even God agrees with me!” It might not be so blatant but these things sort of sneak into our underlying thought processes.
But the truth is about all these thoughts are…
they are you own.

Now, suddenly those passing thoughts you are having towards others are now the passing thoughts you are having towards yourself. I am the mean girl, to myself?? Because the truth is no one had to say I word to tear me down, I have done a great job all on my own.

This would then make me furious inside because I knew I couldn’t hate myself but I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop judging myself for others in my mind. I thought maybe if I thought of what others were judging me about I could protect myself in a sort of foreknowledge type of wall, but all it did was start to slowly destroy me on the inside.

I was the mean girl.

I was judging others in this really subconscious, maybe self protective, part of my heart. Yet it was coming around and landing in my own mind because all of it originated in my heart, in me.

Maybe the truth is that if we struggle with feeling judged that we have been struggling with judging others.

For you will be treated as you treat others.
The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.
Matthew 7:2

This is so true, just didn’t know it would many times be myself!

If we didn’t think so often so many bad thoughts towards others as a judgmental measuring stick to keep us knowing we were still OK, I don’t think it would start caving in on us. And we don’t even recognize it.

When God started really dealing with me about my depression and that no one was going to save me and get me out of this pit but Him and His strength in me, He began to speak to me really clearly about this thoughts and judgement business.

At the time I was in therapy and my counselor asked me something to the effect of what image I had of myself in my mind. I told her it was this dorky girl, being shoved into a locker, with dorky clothes and messy hair, someone that was an embarrassment to most people.

She pointed out that I had a bully in my head, and that bully ….was me.

I was pushing myself into that locker by constantly berating myself and then agreeing with that.

It was through this insight that God brought to mind the verses in 2 Corinthians 10.

Now sometimes I know that when I read verses in a post I just skim them because, blah blah I already know them so well. (yikes, a bit of honesty for ya)
But if you are like me
I ask you to just really really READ them, take them in. What are they saying here?

2 Corinthians 10:3-7
For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh.
For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but
We DESTROY arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God and
being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete.
Look at what is before your eyes.
If anyone is confident that he is Christ’s, LET HIM REMIND HIMSELF
that just as He is Christ’s so also are we.

Excuse my yelling in those verses, but I felt like I had to yell them to get that message really deep down into me. I was so stuck in my thoughts that I was imprisoned in my own mind, I thought it was protecting me when all the while it was getting me deeper and deeper bound.

What we think MATTERS.

If we are Christ’s this is no passive role we got ourselves into. We can’t sit by in life and presume God has got it and we get to watch while God just lets me grow effortlessly. As Steven Furtick said, “the Christian life is a battle ground, not a play ground.”

So here it is, your call to fight, to take action, to stand up and tell yourself {if you must},
that it has been quite enough.

Paul tells us that we have to take the thoughts captive and make them obey Christ.

For so long this was just a nice verse that meant don’t think “bad” thoughts. I thought I was helping God keep me in check by thinking these mean girl thoughts to myself. But no, God convicts us, He does not condemn us. He wants us to be free, not be locked up in these “strongholds”.

What does it mean to make the thought obey Christ?

It means if Jesus was standing before you would He give you a high five and say,
“that is exactly what I would say!”
if it’s not….it has got to go.

This is hard work. This means we can’t just think any ol thought that just pops into our heads as if it originated from ourselves. Sure, we don’t need much help thinking flawed thoughts, but we also have an enemy that would love nothing better than for us to be trapped for the rest of our lives caught up in what everyone and their brother is thinking about us.

Let’s be really honest. There are people out there that think bad thoughts about you, so what?
I know easier said then believed.
But I also know that people are many times so wrapped up in their own problems that they aren’t thinking about and judging us as much as we perceive them to be.
Sometimes our perceptions are dead on,
but is it possible our preceptor could be off because we are in one of these strongholds Paul was describing?

So start small.

That means noticing.

Start noticing what you think about yourself, what you think about others.

When I was going through a really hard time of self hatred I started making myself stop thinking unkind thoughts toward anyone I would naturally want to put down in my mind to make me feel somewhat better for that moment. I began to realize how programmed I was to do this.

I started telling that bully inside me she was done ruling.

I had to let God start loving on me and telling me who He made me to be.
Not who anyone else said, not what I thought, but what He knew.

Only when we can be still, notice and stop the wheel for a moment can we receive from Him the freeing truth we really need. People are people, and hurting people hurt people.
Jesus died for us to be free, not just from hell but even the prisons of our mind.

Sometimes there are roots deep inside us that we just function out of. God had to show me mine, let me know they had to go, that it was time to do some gardening, some root pulling and it was time to stop taking the lies and abuse lying down. It was time to start taking untruths captive.

Being a mean girl, to others and mostly myself, was not my identity. If you are in Christ, it is not yours either.

There is far more for us on the other side of our prisons we create for ourselves.

Be free.